STRAW CLUTCHING AT ITS CLUTCHIEST

Arse-en-al Arse-en-al Arse-en-al,

Arse-en-al Arse-en-al Arse-en-aaaaal, etc

Man Utd 2-1Chelsea;  a good result. How so?

• The longer Man Utd are in tournaments the better for Arsenal's title aspirations
• Chelsea will want to seek retribution in the league fixture which would be good for Arsenal's title aspirations
• I can't countenance the thought of Chelsea being the first London club to win the Champions league.

And if you think that's straw clutching; what about this one

Sp*rs 5-0 Real Madrid

• Mourinho falls out with the board over this debacle and they part company. Kronke sees that Jose is a proven winner and installs him at Arsenal in the summer with Wenger going in the opposite direction; which would be good for Arsenal's title aspirations
• Sp*rs get even more carried away and feel the inevitable effects of 'after the Lord Mayor's show' and lose to Arsenal in the Derby which would be good for Arsenal's title aspirations
• Barcelona humiliate Sp*rs 8-0 in the first leg and achieve an aggregate record in the second.

Sorry, have to sign off now, I hear the orderly and the doctor trying to break in and get the Asylum's laptop back...